Fantasies of salvation (the final doomerpill)

I have daily fantasies about someone coming to save me. To pull me out of my current situation, to value me, to be my friend. Practically every single day I check my Discord to see if anyone has added me. I go outside to walk, hoping to randomly bump into someone and be their friend. But I know it will never happen. I hope that the place at which I volunteer I'll meet someone randomly, and we'll hit it off. But there is no salvation. No one is coming to save me, however much I want that to happen, however deluded I am into thinking that it might happen someday. And accepting that, at least for me, is almost impossible. I always hold on to a shred of hope, even when proven to be completely irrational. What you get out of life is what you were given plus what you put in. And when you weren't given much, that isn't conducive toward you putting in a lot. Totally worthless, life is. Not worth the trouble when you're born ugly, asocial, autistic, plus severely mentally ill. It is what it is.