I feel like I was born defective

I don’t ever remember feeling energetic or full of life or whatever positive shit kids or teens are into, for some random fucking reason I have always been a pessimistic depressed husk of a person and I don’t ever see myself getting out of it. What’s the point of putting myself out there and getting better and grinding a career living paycheck to paycheck because you have to pay for your student loans to be just as depressed as you were, only now you have invested too much of your time money and efforts to get out so you have to keep going even if you don’t like your job even if you don’t have a social life either because you’re socially retarded or because you don’t fit in or because you simply don’t like most people. No purpose no fun no enjoyment just mindless grind all that shit just so you can break even and survive. I wish my mind wasn’t wired the way it is I wish I was a regular normie who doesn’t question shit and goes along the flow of life following and doing shit that gets them social approval at least they seem somewhat content with life at least they have something to look forward to. Don’t even know the point of this post, at this point this sub is like my semi personal vent diary.