The dowry system in kerala

Why do boys and their families accept dowry from the bride's side? Is it possible to find someone who would refuse dowry and marry a girl without expecting any gold or material gifts?When my brother married he reject the dowry from brides side and their marriage happened in a register office and my SIL just wore a silver chain and i am so happy to see that and i appreciate his decision but some of my relatives made jokes about that like it’s marriage like charity.I argued with them and they said that i am arrogant. Is it possible to find someone who would refuse dowry and marry a girl without expecting any gold or material gifts?By asking dowry i didn’t mean that the family ask about that but all girls wear gold on the marriage day ,that gold is also a dowry.I saw many marriages in reels bride is not wearing a single piece of gold.