The Hidden Patriarchy? Discrimination in Progressive Families

I am surprised and saddened to witness yet another instance of parents discriminating between a girl and a boy child. This happened last week with my neighbor, Priya. I live in a nice neighborhood in India. I know Priya's family, her parents as well as her hubby, very well. Priya’s parents are well-off (dad is a businessman and mom is a doctor), highly educated, and very cultured. Priya is in her 40s and is married with two kids. She lives with her husband. Her parents used to live in our society but now live on the other side of town. Priya is simple, down-to-earth, and someone my wife and I consider a good friend. Priya has a younger brother, Milind, who has lived in the US for the past 20 years. Her parents are kind, social, and seemingly progressive people - or so we thought. Last week, during a casual conversation about patriarchy and misogyny, Priya broke down and revealed the years of discrimination she has felt from her parents. This shocked us since we’ve always thought of her family as modern and fair. Over the next two hours, she opened up about several painful instances: * Her parents funded Milind’s education abroad, including his lavish lifestyle. Priya, on the other hand, was denied the same opportunity to study abroad. She attributed this to her parents’ “overprotectiveness.” * After her first child was born, her mom casually told a group of Priya's friends at a gathering, “In our family, we don’t give inheritance to daughters, but we’ll make sure Priya gets something in our will”. The entire group was shocked and there was silence for a bit. Priya was deeply hurt by this - not just by her mom's comments but also her friends' constantly bringing this up, and questioning her about her mom's regressiveness. This incident happened 10+ years ago but she seemed to remember it as if it had happened yesterday. * Over the years, Priya noticed her parents consistently referring to their home as “Milind’s house,” never “our house” or “the family home.” This hurt deeply, as Priya was the one who regularly cared for them, visiting often and supporting them in times of need, while Milind lived abroad. Unable to stay silent, Priya confronted her mom, pointing out that she doesnt like the fact that her mom kept calling her childhood home and their family home as "Milind's" house. She grew up in that very house and has spent more time there than Milind has. By repeatedly calling the house as Mliind's, her mom was making her feel like an outsider. Her mom’s response was something like “This is Milind’s house because he’s the son. Your house is with your husband” Despite the above, Priya's parents were always her top priority, something that her husband also attested to. The final straw came during recent discussions about their will, when Priya’s parents revealed they planned to split their assets 70/30 between Milind and her. Priya was hurt. She explained how unfair this was, pointing out the unequal treatment she had faced throughout her life - less investment in her education, fewer opportunities, and constant reminders that the family home was “Milind’s house”. She also brought up the Hindu Succession Act and that even the law does not discriminate between a son and daughter in matters of inheritence. Her parents seemed to understand and agreed to a 50/50 split, with Milind also supporting the change. They asked Priya to draft a will. She drafted one, the family approved it and they signed it in front of 2 witnesses. Priya was happy and felt that she had perhaps misread her parents' favoritism for Milind. She was wrong. Her parents did the unthinkable. Without her knowledge, her parents secretly reverted to the 70/30 split when they went to register their will. Priya discovered the truth by chance while cleaning a drawer and finding the registered will. When she confronted her parents, they dismissed her concerns, and told her off. In her past meeting with her parents, Priya told them that her fight was never about the money. It was about equality. And that this betrayal broke her. Thus, she’s decided to walk away from her inheritance altogether. She told them that she will never step into "Milind's" house again but has assured her parents that she will always be there if they ever need her. As Priya recounted all of this, fighting back tears, it was heartbreaking to see how much she might have endured. Especially from parents who should have championed her. It’s appalling that even in families as educated and privileged as Priya’s, these regressive attitudes persist. What more do women have to do to be seen as equals? What more could Priya have done? She’s been an excellent daughter, yet her worth in her parents’ eyes was always lesser simply because she’s not a son. This story left me angry, confused, and deeply sad. How do we end this cycle of discrimination? I would love to hear your thoughts.