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I’d love your opinion/thoughts. I’ll try my best to not keep it long.
I am 25F and I come from a fairly good family. But unfortunately my life hasn’t been fair to me one bit. I was sexually abused for months by someone I knew when I was 2. Yes you read that right. You’d ask how I even remember but I do, that too clearly. I don’t pay much heed to that incident surprisingly because the things that happened after that really fucked me over. When I was 14, I was violated. Not physically per se but publicly humiliated at school. It scarred me for life. It’s been 10 years and I think about it every single day. Coming to college, I was molested again by a very close friend and that is when I hit rock bottom. Nobody believed me, absolutely nobody. The ones who remotely did, blamed me for what happened. I lost my sense of self. I was depressed, suicidal, I’d think of killing myself every single day but I just couldn’t because I didn’t have the balls to. My parents took me to every single psychiatrist that existed and I was put on a lot of medications. I kid you not I was on 9 pills a day. That carried on for two years until I went to a good doctor. She changed my life. I mean it. She gave my life back to me. Now coming to the main bit. I have no professional ambitions what so ever in life. In In school and in college I did, but because of absolutely fucked state of being, I lost all interest. During my lowest, I met the loveliest person. We’ve been together for 3 years and we will be getting married soon. The problem is that I have 0 career goals. My parents are extremely high achieving people and I’ve never been anywhere close to them. I’ve shared an extremely toxic relationship where there has been a lot of unhappiness and resentment. Okay sorry it’s being long. TLDR: I have absolutely no ambitions in life in terms of profession because I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and I just want to live a life of stability and away from people because I have genuinely been hurt. My boyfriend (who I will marry soon) is well off and I find comfort in the fact that we will be well off and he has no qualms about how I want to live my life. What do I do? I know this comfort shouldn’t be there and I will be disappointing my high achieving parents yet again because my mother said that they will be “shattered” if they see their daughter as a house wife.1
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