Do you guys envy people who are working abroad or in any big cities in India? This question is to people who had to move back to Sikkim or are working in Sikkim due to personal reasons

I have started to find Gangtok gloomy and depressing.This place has started to suffocate me. There are few people who have chosen to work here and most of the people I have known are working in big cities and some have already settled abroad. I heard about them moving out when I was in college. People are going for their further studies or planning to settled abroad like nobody wants to come back. Even I genuinely feel that there is nothing left in this town. You don't see any career opportunities in this small town. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person in this town who have chosen to stay back because majority of people I know are not here. It is depressing. I feel like left out. I don't know if it is the pressure or the thoughts that have always been instilled in my mind that if one doesn't work in big cities or abroad—you are doing something wrong. Even when I was studying in school, teachers used to tell us that if you decide to work or study in this town, you are going to remain जंगली. They might be right when it comes about the experiences, opportunities and a lot of other things. But when I think about it now, I feel like I have failed in my life. I should be grateful for everything I have, I maybe living somebody's dream, and yes, comparison is a thief of joy but I am genuinely not content with my life. I feel suicidal. When I step outside, I don't know if it is the atmosphere or the environment here but I get this instant feeling that I don't want to continue living. Good memories that I had in this town or maybe nostalgia—I don't know but whatever it is, it has begun to haunt me. I have come to accept my life the way it is but something still doesn't feel right. I feel like I am missing out a lot in my life. If I see some of my old classmates when I am outside, I feel a little better, it makes feel like I am not alone in this town. I am aware that this sounds very immature but I am just looking for ways to cope. I am exhausted being here, how do you guys deal with it?