I regret doing nothing with my life

I regret spending so much of my life doing nothing, stuck in a cycle of exhaustion and burnout from undiagnosed autism and suicidal ideation that left me too drained to dream of a life outside of survival. It’s only now, as I live with chronic illness, that I’m overwhelmed by the desires I never had before, I would give everything to know a trade, move to another country and enjoy life outside of my bedroom. The cruel irony is that now, when I finally want so much from life, I know these things will remain out of reach, and the weight of what could have been is a grief I carry every day. But even if I could go back into the past with all this knowledge and passion, it wouldn’t matter, because I was deprived of the opportunity to develop like a normal human being and now I suffer the consequences of a system designed to neglect people like me. I guess it’s less that have regrets, my choices were due to circumstances out of my control; it’s more so the fact that I feel sick at the lost potential.