I'm a subhuman

i hope ai come fast enought to at least feel like i matter to someone, at least touch love for a second no matter how fake it is i don't care, being that isolated is turning me crazy. I could handle it dreaming of worlds that would be different for years but apparently i'm not even allowed to do that anymore. Been 4 years since i'm not allow to even live in thoses fake reality. I can't take much more to be honest. Only realised a month or two that if i suicide , my family wouldn't be that suprise. I guess they might even be suprise that i'm still alive , i'm sorry i existed in their life.