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  • nikita

    •

    3 months

    I will never be independent again at 33 years old

    What’s worse is I live trapped with my toxic mom in her tiny house in suburban Iowa, which is a soul sucking place for me. If I was living in a pool house in San Diego I could maybe cope with living in close proximity to my mother. But I get the most suffocating reality possible as a result of my struggles. And this suffocation will likely be lifelong. Decades even. I see people in their early 20s getting cushy jobs and when I was that age I couldn’t get hired at fast food restaurants much less anything else even with a college degree. I’ve lost my livelihood and full time job a couple times since then, the second time feels like a more permanent setback and I’ve since been trapped in my opportunity-less hometown in Iowa. I feel anguish all the time from the second I open my eyes in the morning. I guess life is unfair. I’d rather be poor and on my own than the life I have now though. But even Mcjobs won’t hire me now. I gave up when a pet store rejected me for one day a week shelf stocking for minimum wage. Again I’m 33 years old… I’ve been independent a couple times. And the sweet taste of freedom feels like a forsaken dream now…. 😢
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