Guilt and shame

This two have completely eaten me. I am 30. I cannot hold a job. Everywhere I apply I just get ghosted and rejected. A job has broken me down mentally and physically.I am mentally disabled being diagnosed with several mental problems and physically ill. All my peers are ahead in life except me. Even my brother got promoted to tech head. My parents will make an issue of this. They will humliate me.Today my mother kicked me in the stomach after insulting me.I don't know what to do.I wish I could kill myself.