christmas sucks

i have to be around my normal family. awkward conversations about what i'm doing with my life (nothing). at a relatives house so i cant even hide in my cave, im forced to interact with them. every year christmas gets more depressing as i see those once a year family members advance with their lives. new job, pregnant, kids, higher education, moved cities, progress... its so tempting to just say no every year. no, i dont want to go. but i feel like it would crush my mother. christmas is really the only big family event i go to. to her it would be me fully sealing myself off. but im miserable here, so? sorry mom