Played online feeling overwhelmed and scared

My friend recently lost her mom and she made a passing remark about playing online so I bit the bullet pushed my anxiety down and played I had fun while playing, but I was constantly feeling acid reflux in the back of my throat and my lips were getting numb Partially because I was playing with her which I've never done before we've just been texting friends and we see each other once in awhile IRL but we'll hang out really so we just text But while we were playing I heard the kids in the background and it was frustrating I pretty much shut myself out from the outside world so hearing kids have fun and her interact with them while we were playing was nice but it also broke my heart because I am 24 and I haven't even been on a date. no license no job whenever I upgraded to a PS5 my anxiety shout up so I wasn't able to appear online to play with my friends I just couldn't handle it and since I wasn't appearing online no one invited me or texted me and I realized that so I just stayed offline because they couldn't bother to see if I was okay even though we've been online friends for 7 years That was 2 months ago and it's been 2 months until today that I've played with in person online so it's kind of breaking my heart and also scaring me because me and this girl do live in the same town even though she has kids and stuff there is a possibility that we hang out IRL or she offers to go out even though it would just be friends it's scaring me on top of doing something new getting closer to her in terms of actually playing the game for an hour and talking the entire time So I'm just kind of overwhelmed right now I had fun and that scares me and it brought up the fact that if I was to appear online my friends would invite me but they haven't invited me for 2 to 3 months they haven't even seen if I was okay so I just have a lot of feelings and I'm rambling sorry ... It's been a hour and I'm still overthinking instead of just seeing it as I had fun with a friend I'm thinking it. ok why did she asked to play games today is it because she was lonely even though she had two other adults her brother and boyfriend and three kids in the house is it because she wanted to play a specific game and they didn't want to play with her? is it because she wanted to play with me? Is it because I mentioned I was having a rough day earlier I keep questioning what our friendship actually is, a friendship or am I a charity case because I'm so broken I feel like throwing up. I'm sick of this feeling I did nothing wrong, nothing went wrong we had fun why does it feel like my world is falling apart I need a just accept things at face value that she wanted to play the game, we played together, we had fun and that's it. but you know, anxiety, every part of me is questioning why and all I want to do is cry throwup and hope I'm dreaming because I did one small thing outside of my comfort zone