I'm suicidal but want to recover.

Got sick in middle school, didn't recover until adulthood, and have been a NEET almost the entire time. I'm 22 now. I lost the overwhelming majority of my youth before I even had the chance to experience it. I'm planning suicide now and think it's very likely to happen within the week. If anybody thinks I have a chance at recovery, then please let me know how and why. I don't see myself actually being worth a shit anymore since I'm so old. Anything I do from here on out, no matter how grand, even if I made some incredible fucking scientific discovery that made me rich 5 years down the line - it's all just expected. I still feel like a fucking teenager. The way I see it, I can either go to college way, way too late and try to live out a normal college life to stablize my life and mental state despite being 4 or 5 years older than my peers and stay perpetually behind, or I can try to properly be an adult and just accept that I never had a chance to make anything of the few years of life that are actually worth living. So yeah, I think suicide may be the only option now. Again, if anybody thinks I have a chance at recovery then I really want to know how I can and why it's possible, but honestly I don't think I'm able to be receptive. I'm too stubborn and depressed to really believe that life can still be worth living. I guess for now I'm just trying to get through every day one at a time, but I'd rather die than live like this for another decade, or even another year. I can't keep doing this. I can't wait to be middle aged just to get my damn life started. I can't let myself be so fucking far behind for the rest of my life. I can't let myself just be a "proper" adult, and spend the rest of my life busting ass in a job I hate because it's the only way to be mature and fit with my age. If there's a chance at recovery, I'll do my best to take it, but honestly I think that chance is gone.