I’m so ashamed and so alone.

I’ve been a neet since out of high school. My family never helped me get my license and we’re in a rural area so I didn’t know what to do. It was also the time I figured out I was a trans girl. The First year out was great; my local pro hockey team won the championship, I had friends, I entered a relationship…. But eventually all of that just crumbled and faded. That relationship ended painfully over a year later. My friends left me. It was a painful few months of just hoping things would get better. I had no one and somehow I survived anyway. I’m not close with any of my family, I can’t really tell them about my struggles. I then found another person I loved.. but despite how great things looked it wasn’t long before she left me, either. I’m just a mess. I’m incapable of making friends. I want more than just a friend but no one is compatible with me because I don’t have a fucking life. I just wanted to meet that special someone and I thought it was her and now I’m just what to i do??? No one can support me, I cry every day, at least if I had a job or something it’d take my mind away from everything but if I try to play games alone I just think of her. I think of him too. I think of everyone who’s left me. I want them all back. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I’m almost 21 now. I’m going to be alone on my birthday and I’m going to be alone for v day. I feel like there’s plenty of people who can relate to heartbreak, and plenty of people who can relate to the struggles of being neet, but all of my circumstances combined I doubt I’ll find anyone who’s experienced what I’ve experienced. I can’t work or go to school so it feels like my only driving force is a love that I cannot have. I wish someone could help me.