I can't live like this anymore

I tried to be happy, but I can never be happy. I'm waiting for my final death. I'm a virgin who never knew love. I wish I did. Another empty Valentine's Day. Never had friends, I'm just not normie enough for them. I'm lonely and so alone. Sometimes I delude myself in trying to make friends or try to belong but it'll just hurt my feelings even more. When I become an angel, nobody will know how hard I tried to exist just to not matter. I'm just a nameless invisible npc for all I care. Tried to fit in, but nothing ever works. I'm still a neet. Society rejects us neets. I can't improve my life no matter how hard I try. So, I'd rather do nothing and accept certain doom. Then, I became chronically ill with another sickness. I can't muster the courage to see the doctor and I'm not sure they could help me. Have to see a psychologist but I know they can't help me either. The worst part, I'm simply incapable of improving myself or my life. I have nothing to offer or anything. I'm a failure and useless neet. My body is too weak, I can't do anything useful. I'm not smart enough to learn anything new too. At least I have anime and Internet for now. The future is grim. I'm not neetbux but am with family that helps with shelter. The rest is up to me even though I don't work or ever had a job. Yes, I am disabled and stay home everyday.