Do some of you just don't understand shit, I sure don't

Especially when it comes to hobbies or anything productive for that matter, my brain just doesn't understand those things no matter how hard I try or commit to it. The only thing that makes sense to me is escapism (vidya, pron, food) and philosophy to some degree, everything else is too hard to understand for my brain. Just producing music, I'm still utter shit at it even after 8 years of practice and I still don't understand how to do it no matter how much research I do and it makes me feel like shit. I think about giving up all the time because that shit is not fun. I thought about getting into drawing so maybe I buy a book and go from there because again I don't understand shit from youtube tutorials Brutal.