Being NEET is eating away at my brain

My vocabulary is poor and limited, I can't focus on anything, my creativity has become non-existent I just wanted to read a book, I have so many books. I wanted to read The War Of The Worlds by H. G. Wells, but I can't, because I'm too stupid to retain important information and delve deeper into the narrative. I'm tired of just watching doomscroll and porn. I'm tired of not being able to express myself in art, even if no one sees my creations. At this point I became almost disabled. If at any point I confirm that I have a serious mental problem and I don't have support to help deal with it, I'll put an end to it, because a life without art is **not a life worth living.**