My parent don’t deserve me.

TDLR: My parents constantly compare me with my siblings (one is 30 and other is 19). And now the whole house thinks i am ”useless.” For some context. I am 22F, staying in NOBO. I work in the creative industry. Ever since my parents saw Taare Zameen Par, they decided it is a good idea to name me ”Ishaan” because according to them, i am DUMB like him. Through out my childhood my parents always put my siblings over me because they were smart and good at studies whereas i was the ”dumb” one. In school, i had multiple passion like painting, dancing and sports but my parents used to always scold or beat me because hobbies are only meant for ”smart kids” and not for dumb kid like me. Anyways. My scores werent really that bad. I was scored around or above 80% but it was nowhere near 90% or more which my siblings got. Now that i have grown up. I chose arts after much arguments and fights with my father. He even called me looser for choosing arts. And that hit a cord. I started doing internships since i was 16. And started getting paid in the first year of my college. By 19 i was working a full time internship earning around 18K per month. I landed my first job with 35K pay. And now i earn 55K. I also have other sources of income through which i earn around 5K or more but is not very consistent. Also for some context. I work easily 10-12 hours a day because of my toxic company and since i stay in nobo, my commute to office is easily 2-2.5 hours in virar local where i stand most of the time because i don’t get seat. And still everyone in my family say that i dont want to work hard, i am not interested in working just because i complain to them about the toxicity at my work. Sometimes i just come home to sleep and leave. Sometimes i dont even get proper sleep due to which it is fucking up my health especially my menstruation cycle. And by the weekend, i am no exhausted that my whole body hurts and i try to ask my parents for help and they clearly deny it. It is like they see my struggle but choose to be blind about it. I have seen that my parents only talk nicely to me whenever i am paying for something. But other times i am just a kid with a low pay for them. All this is taking a toll on me. I feel all i do is work and work. I don’t party, don’t go out often. And i feel i am loosing out on my youth because of all this. And it really affects me when they make such comments. I feel i am doing more than enough for a 22 year old but it hurts my heart and sometimes i wish i had better parents…