Every time I return to Lucknow, it feels less like home—has the city changed, or have I?

Let me start by saying this—I love my city, Lucknow. So much so that I get passionate every time someone brings it up, whether it’s about the food, the people, or the culture. I was born and raised here, spending most of my life in this city until a few years ago when I moved out for higher studies and, later, for work. I think I’m homesick—I have a deep longing to return for good, but the field I work in has no prospects in Lucknow, so I know I’ll likely be spending most of my life elsewhere. I try to visit home whenever I can, but after an extended stay, I start feeling lonely here as well. I’m not an outdoorsy person—I enjoy staying home, spending time with family, or just being by myself. But even then, I find that there’s not much to do, and after a while, I don’t know how to pass the time. Part of the reason is that all my friends have permanently moved out, so I don’t have anyone to go out with. As a result, I end up spending most of my time alone at home. The other day, I got so bored that I decided to revisit my old school after nearly a decade—which is ironic, considering how much I dreaded that place for most of my student life. I don’t even have particularly fond memories of it. It’s only been a week since I came home for vacation, and I already feel like I’ve run out of things to do. It makes me wonder: if I ever decide to move back for good, would it really be worth it? Is there still any charm left in this city, or is it just nostalgia clouding my judgment? From what I’ve observed, I’ve only been gone a few years, yet the city doesn’t feel the same anymore. The people have changed (for the worse). Lack of civic sense is a problem across India, but here, it’s far more evident compared to the city I currently live in. Trust me, I don’t have any particular fondness for where I stay now, and up until a few months ago, I would have given anything to return to Lucknow. But I feel that people there are a little more organised and have a greater sense of civic responsibility. Just yesterday, a guy riding a bike ahead of me nearly spray-painted me with gutka/paan. The city is dirty—very dirty. The moment you step off at Charbagh Railway Station, you’re instantly hit with the stench of urine. And yet, this is the same city I so passionately defend and praise in front of my colleagues and acquaintances outside—almost like a religion, as if it’s a part of my identity that I refuse to question. This post might come off as a rant and may not add much value to this subreddit, but I’m putting it out there to see if anyone else can relate. If nothing else, it would serve as a journal entry where I have synthesised my thoughts—a way to make sense of my feelings about the place I still call home. **TL;DR:** I love Lucknow and have always passionately defended it, but after moving away for work and returning for visits, I feel disconnected. The city has changed—it’s dirtier, the people seem worse, and I struggle to find things to do, especially since my friends have moved away. Despite this, I still irrationally praise Lucknow like a religion. This post is partly a rant but also a way for me to process my feelings about Lucknow.