Sorry but I just can't stay like this.

It's no one's concern, and it's also not like anyone can do anything to help, and am also too exhausted to help myself in any way but just sit on a corner all scared. I belongs from a simple family, my hometown is in Jharkhand, I always had lived here, up till three month back, when I left my home and moved in with my friends on a different city and state. The reason for that was, that I was terrorised at home, not from my parents but there were many, and the way now I am, I am even scared to talk to anyone, I just don’t wants to. I came back few days back, and from the time it got inside my head that I'll be heading back, everything started to hit me back again, I really never wanned to get back here, but now I am, and everything is coming back to me, I can't take on all this again. Before I moved in to that new place, I do also had filed a FIR(online), idk how all that works, but there it did said they will contact, but I never heard back. I really had no hopes, that anything can be done for any good of me and family; am just mentioning it for reference. Let's come to the actual stuff. My family has been on financial crises and on debt from years now, the only earning person in my family is my father, and I'll be talking about him now. The type of person my father is and the way things had been with him, sometimes it's really unbelievable. This do have a lot to do with all what's happening, but no one here has any time for these things, and idek if anyone ever gonna read this whole, but let's just go further. My father, you can say he is broker, idk any other word or if there's any more ways to define that, but that’s what my family feeds on. Before lockdown, my father had taken loans from many, not just for himself, but yeah. Things never been on my father's side, where ever he invested he faced more losses then just he had invested because of loan interest. Well I do understands people's money do have value, and my father never been dishonest with anyone, but no one cares about anything but money. No one has any trust on my father, its not like my father don’t owes anyone, but all this really isnt my father's things that he can do. My father had lent many just out of trust. All this really is messed up and unbelievable, I do knows no one gonna trust me too, but that's when if anyone will go through this. As we are now, we are having hard time even managing the basic needs. I really feels too worthless and I really am pathetic, am 20 and of no use. Am not even doing any job, and why's that?? Because am too scared to do anything??? But hell dude how you gonna survive and know what you can and cant…. Well I don’t have any hopes of survival, then why suffer doing anything… then why you still here??? Huh??? ……….uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuk this, idk. I ranted all this and havent mentioned much till now, lemme mention it in brief. So, basically all the person been harassing us too much, and been abusing us, not just verbal, there's been some physical incidents too. Its not like my father is not paying them back, he already had paid back many ones principle amount back, and to few, he even had paid back twice or trice he took, but still all them are torturing him lot, idek how my father handling all those mental pressure, I personally thinks its better to just die. You might wonder why not contact local police, yeah, but how?? They also been torturing us and my father. We don’t have any connections and money like them, its really of no use. We do have mentioned to them, that there are many ones whos also not giving back to us, but even after providing them proofs, and applications for the same, they never heard us. What I said just now, its not enough to explain, how my family not just been traumatized from years now but we actually been terrorised. And I also hesitates to share our problems, and sometimes I do think……….. Ughhhhhhhhhh idk how to express it, there just a lot, there really is, believe me or not, but am not over exaggerating. idk what to do, idk when will my end himself or me. I don’t even wants to talk all about this, am just too weak for any of this, I don’t knows myself, how I used to manage everything inside my head three months back, well guess what, I left home because it really went way out of hand, I really am weak, all my siblings and both my parent been facing everything and I ran off, its not like I actually ran off, it all was with concerns and my father did provide resources for me to live somewhere else( he took loan on interest, I really did had no idea, but when I did, I do refused to take it, but yeah… I really am pathetic no. Anyways, am back here now, all that I was running from is coming back to me, and I really cant see my father like this, and hell knows nothing what to do. I don’t like sharing these stuffs with known people, all because they cant help me on this, none my friends knows anything about all that, and I might gonna delete it from here too, if ill get another anxiety attack. Sorry if there's been mistaken with spellings(am little dyslexic) and for any grammar errors too. And also sorry for this rant.