I need help please

I will be very honest. I first answered 12th boards in 2024. Failed. 2025 improvement going on. I will fail that too. Completely my fault. I still have dreams for IIT. If you are mad at me, that's fine. I hate myself too. I just wanted to know if it's possible to give advance again. Because I first answered jee mains in 2025 and not in 2024. So won't my 2nd drop be technically my 1st drop for them? I put "appearing" while feeling jee 2025 form. So like my 12th marksheet will say I passed in 2026 right. I'm literally completely broken rn. I hate myself.