I want to have a rodeo before I die

(18m) things have been awry for me, but it hasn't been the case throughout my life. I like to think I'm quite coherent, emotionally intelligent and generally a chill person to be around; I've had one long relationship with an older woman before, but it wasn't intimate if you know what I mean. I just want to experience it once before I bite the dust soon. I'm not a creep or someone desperate even though it might genuinely seem so, I've been called attractive my entire life so that isn't a bother either. I just don't pursue relationships, but with my time being limited now, if a lady is willing to share their most vulnerable self with me, I would be honored. You can assure mutual respect and understanding so don't fret about that. I don't really care about age as long as they're 18 or older. don't ask why I'm dying soon, I wish I could keep going as well. It's just too much isn't it lol. Cheers.