Maybe this is how it was supposed to turn out?

Pardon the vague flair, because I could not seem any flair to be the most appropriate for my situation. Firstly, my pranams to Srila Prabhupada, the saint whom I admire and respect a lot. I have indeed received a ton of grace from him. I don't know what will I write further in this post now, but just read this out... As you might expect, I do chant the MahaMantra, particularly 8 rounds of it everyday. Maybe six months ago, I happened to stumble upon one of swamis from Bhakti Marga, that is Swami Revatikanta. I happened to dig deeper into their organization, and discovered the mantra which they chant. I occasionally started to chant their mantra, which tbh felt much more calming and meditative. Maybe because the aim with chanting the Hare Krishna Mahamantra, is to finish as many rounds as possible, due to which I might not feel as much connected to it. Whereas, the goal with Bhakti Marga's mantra was to chant it for a certain duration of time, which is 1 hr in total. I have read around 10 books written by Srila Prabhupada until now, and I really appreciate the depth of philosophy and knowledge that he imparts through his writings. His books are clear and crisp, with no bs involved into it. But I felt that it was pushy and rather tried to hammer a certain philosophy into me. I'm not saying that it was bogus or wrong, but maybe it did not resonate with my nature I suppose, and this was definitely not the first time where I felt that iskcon was not really the place for me. Again, it's not coming from a place of hate, but just though my experience of associating with them. I have met the nicest and most devoted people in the hare krishna temple in my city (this is a ritvik temple), but the absence of somebody of the stature of a guru somewhat bothered me, ever since I understood that it is a ritvik mandir, and not a mainstream iskcon mandir. I started to listen to lectures and teachings of other sampradayas and organizations, like those of Swami Revatikanta, Madhwacharya's followers (cause my mother tongue is Kannada), even Srila Prabhupada's and Amogh Lila Prabhu's lectures, and understood that I resonated more with those lectures which deal with experiences and stories, than about strict rules and regulations, which if not followed, you'll be doomed to live under maya and congratulations on that and all... Sometimes it feels as if I am rather trying to run away from following these rules and all, but I'm just doing my part, and best for the situation that I'm in... but whatever it is, doesn't bring peace to my mind. Chanting the Mahamantra feels mechanical, reading Prabhupada's books although are definitely philosophical and correct, feel like a smash on the face. But what really bought peace, was when I just chant the Bhakti Marga's mantra. It is that part of those few days, which when I chanted, just for a brief amount of time, bought some sort of calmness and peace into me. It is beyond my comprehension to understand how does that happen and stuff, but it does. So here is what I decided to do next - I was try out to chant their mantra for the next 40 days, as a part of Project Mantra on their website, and see what happens. If anything, I can always return back to chanting and follow Srila Prabhupada anyway after that. But for the next 40 days, I'll just stick to chanting Bhakti Marga's mantra. As far as I've realized, what I need is a living guru or a representative of a guru who could tell me what to do next, rather than simply jumping on different boats while in the midst of an ocean.. It'd be very hard to fall back into the waters in this process... Kindly put in your inputs on what you think about it, because I honestly just want to talk about it with somebody who really could help me with it...