Lowest point of my life!

I am at the lowest point of my life right now. I am numb, don't know what to think or do. I have been played on, cheated by this man who i love deeply, the one who i helped financially, have been involved physically, emotionally. I have a clear picture in front of me of how I am made a fool but I still can't accept it and like a stupid i am still ready to be with him! I am not crying, I don't know what is it that I am feeling. I am in a place where I may even lose my job because I was mentally depressed and fked up my work. I really don’t know what is happening and what's going to happen to me. I don't even know why I am I even posting it! This is my throwaway account.