The Ultimate Guide to Being a Chennai Landlord: Where Control Meets Creativity

Dear Aspiring Chennai Landlords, Congratulations on owning property in our beloved city! Here's your essential guide to maintaining the sacred traditions of Chennai house ownership: # Rule #1: Bachelor Management 101 Remember, all bachelors are obviously running secret party houses. That young IT professional working 12-hour shifts? Clearly hosting raves in between debugging code. Those medical students studying for their exams? Just an excuse to have friends over! Better safe than sorry – just say no to bachelors. # Rule #2: The Dietary Dictatorship Being a landlord isn't just about collecting rent – it's about being the supreme authority on tenants' eating habits! If they're vegetarian, make sure they're the "right kind" of vegetarian. And heaven forbid if someone wants to cook fish – we all know that fish smell is more dangerous than any actual property damage. # Rule #3: The Time Lord Protocol 10 PM is when all good tenants should be safely locked away in their rooms. What's that? Night shift? Family emergency? Ha! Should have thought about that before choosing to rent. And duplicate keys? What do they think this is – their own house? # Rule #4: The Great Wall Conspiracy Every nail in the wall is a personal attack on your ancestors' property. That family photo they want to hang? Pure vandalism. That shelf for their books? Absolute sacrilege. Suggest they lean everything against the walls instead – it builds character! # Rule #5: The Electricity Premium Experience Government rates are for common people. You, as a distinguished landlord, must charge that special "premium" rate. Think of it as a tax for the privilege of living under your benevolent dictatorship. # Rule #6: The Deposit Protection Racket Three months' stay? Three years' worth of painting charges! It's just basic mathematics. Transfer letter? Sorry, that's not covered under the "legitimate reasons for leaving" clause in our imaginary contract. # Rule #7: The Social Investigation Bureau Your role as a landlord includes being a private investigator. That person who visited your tenant? Could be a friend, could be an international spy. Better interrogate the tenant for three hours just to be safe. Remember, being a Chennai landlord isn't just about providing shelter – it's about maintaining an ancient tradition of micro-management, moral policing, and creative financial calculations. Keep these sacred rules alive, and you too can join the elite club of landlords who make finding a house in Chennai an unforgettable adventure! P.S. If any tenant dares to question these rules, remind them that "this is how things work here" and that there are "plenty of others waiting in line." Yours truly, The Association of Progressive Property Paranoids PS, PS: All of this is based on my experience in Chennai as a Tenant in areas surrounding Velachery, Chromepet from 2011 to 2018. I don't live there anymore but continously hear about landlordism from a lot of my friends.