Self esteem

Ok, its happened long time back. When i was in college i had to function as a leader for an organization. There is a ritual of accompany our seniors even after their period of service in that organisation. I had to people pleasing in the name of politeness eventhough i know they are not so good. Later i got a feel that they selected me bcoz i have money to spend. I had to people please each and everyone of them. Eventhough i got traumas from my own peer group. Misunderstanding played the role. Its happened 3-4 year ago. Still my mind comes with those thoughts. How i could get ridd of it. I still follows them again in the name of shitty politeness. Why i let me suffer all those things which i am not deserved so. No idea. I was so naive back then. Want to get ridd of it. Why its still pops on my mind is its an unhealed trauma for me, my mind says that i have things to prove( eventhough i dont want).They should know me my value. A kind of revenge is coming up inorder to heel my inner wounds. Dont want to hurt anyone, but just want to prove infront of all.