i hate myself for being this codependent and toxic .

I(22F) am in a long distance relationship with this guy(22M) since the past 9 months . over time I realised how codependent i am . and toxic. i get really jealous and feel insecure whenever he mentions having female friends although I too have male friends and see no problem with it generally . I am unable to give him space (which I am aware he really needs at times) . it always feels like abandonment to me . i can't help feeling this way no matter how hard I try . i wanted to be a better partner so I tried working on myself . but still the feelings is very unsettling and uncomfortable to deal with . i can't afford therapy rn , I tried looking for advice and tried all of them (really i did) but nothing seems to help . ive talked about this with my partner too and although he's been understanding what I'm in search of is genuine advice that can help me till i can afford some professional help . Any advice / experiences would help . Thank-you