My boyfriend of two years cheated on me, and I just found out. I don’t know how to process this.

So, I (21F) just found out that my boyfriend (now ex) of two years has been cheating on me with another girl since December—while still telling me he loved me. I feel completely numb. It’s like my brain can’t process how someone who claimed to care about me could betray me like this. The worst part? His sister thought we had broken up long ago and that he had “moved on” to this other girl. He never even told his family we were still together. I tried reaching out to the girl he cheated with, but she hasn’t accepted my request yet. I just want her to know the kind of person he is. Looking back, I realize he made me feel emotionally neglected. Whenever I brought it up, he would just say he’d “improve,” but nothing ever changed. I always had a gut feeling that something was wrong. And yesterday, when he didn’t text me the entire day, I decided to check his Instagram. I stalked his following and found the girl's account—and her **profile picture** was of him kissing her. It broke me. At first, I was in complete denial, but then everything started making sense. Every gut feeling, every moment I felt like something was off—it was all true. When I confronted him, he told me that he lost all feelings for me back in December but chose to stay instead of telling me—because he “didn’t want to make me feel bad.” Instead, he decided to cheat on me. And the fact that he was still telling me he loved me even a day before I found out makes me sick. What makes it even worse? When I confronted him, he didn’t even apologize. Not once. All he did was beg me not to tell the girl he’s currently dating because “she doesn’t deserve this.” My birthday is next week, and instead of looking forward to it, I just feel hollow. My friends and I are planning to go out, but honestly, I feel too numb to even be excited. I just want karma to hit him hard. I don’t know how to get these thoughts out of my head. I just want to stop hurting. If you’ve been through something like this—how did you heal? How do you stop wondering *why* they did it?