I 30M here, a man child. Have trouble with life.

So I turned 30 last month and have never felt younger. Ever since my childhood, I have been told to follow my parents decisions without asking questions not even thinking about it. Like for e.g. during my school days they told me to give up being the house captain (I was chosen by my teachers) because I had to visit the school during evening for a few days for republic day parade practice. So I was just instructed to quit. That had a deep impact on my school image where I was bullied for quitting. Bullying was an integral part of my life since I was younger because of my above average looks. I have been beaten up by guys just because xyz girl talked to me and boys have this personal image in mind that the bada the gunda they were more girls they would get. ( hey ever since the early men, men were supposed to provide muscle protection to the females right). Later in life I made a few decisions myself to befriend some guys who were in my coaching and just be friends with them irrespective of the looks and their family background. That led me to land up in legal troubles in childhood for something they did and I was with them when they were caught so I was considered an accomplice. This incident made me believe my decisions are actually wrong and I should just follow what I’m told. Now currently I have trouble making decisions and it’s getting frustrating. I have no self esteem of my own, I’m not able to take decisions for my work. I just need my parents to make decisions for me. I just needed to let this out and maybe find someone else who has been here and came out of this somehow. TL;DR- I’m a 30M man child who cannot make his own decisions and blames that on his childhood trauma and parents.