I feel like shit

So i had a huge crush on my office mate. We've been talking for more than 7 months now. Occasionally we flirts too. I really like her and i thought she also loved me back cos she always says (miss you da, unna paakanum pola iruku, love you da) like that. But we never proposed each other. She told me Her 1st relationship was toxic and also a survivor of su1c1de attempt. I can actually connect with her a lot because I'm also a survivor of su1c1de attempt in the past cos of my 1st relationship. I actually planned to propose her on valentines day next year.So what happened was her toxic ex texted last week. . She told me about that and i didn't care at first.and he suddenly proposed again to her yesterday. I asked about her response she told me " Enaku okay nu solanum pola tan da iruku, avan niraya maaritan da, avan kudikirada stop panitaanam da, enaiyavae ninachitu irukandu solran daa etc etc etc adunaala na ok solaalamnu irukan ". I don't even know what to reply after that msg. I feel like shit.idk why I can't meet genuine people in relationship.i feel like I'm very unlucky when it comes to relationship. Next few months is going to be hell for me cos she sits right next to me. I'm letting everything out here cos I'm genuinely scared that I might do something to myself again if I suppress my emotions. Sorry for ranting too much. 😊