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I don't want to be alone
TL;DR: I'm a year away from finishing college, and I feel stuck. No close friends, low grades, and a lot of guilt about not making the most of my time here. Lately, I’ve been feeling really lonely but don’t even know if I’d enjoy socializing. Just needed to vent. So, I’ve got about a year left in college. Up until now, everything felt fast—exams, assignments, always something going on. But now? It just feels slow. Like I’m just waiting for time to pass. I don’t really have friends here. People talk to me in class, but everyone has their own groups. No one really invites me to hang out, and I guess I never really push for it either. I picked a college in NCR hoping to explore more, to actually experience "college life." But honestly, it feels just like school all over again. My grades suck, and I feel bad that my family spent money on my education when I haven’t really lived up to it. Campus placements? Probably not happening. Off-campus? Feels impossible right now. Lately, I’ve just been feeling really alone. I have no one to call, no one to just chill with, no one to learn and upskill with. I’ve always been introverted—bullied in school, never really had close friends. No one ever came over to my house, and I never went to anyone’s place (strict mom). I thought moving to a private college in NCR would change that. I actually had the option to go to a government college in Udaipur for way cheaper, but I didn’t take it. My current college isn’t a financial burden or anything, but still, I can’t help but feel like I wasted the opportunity. And now, I just feel stuck. I can’t focus on anything. I keep thinking I want to be around people, but at the same time, I don’t even know if I’d enjoy it. I don’t know why I’m posting this here. Just needed to get it out of my system.3
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