Whyyyyyy do I do this to myself

Like for once I felt like fck it, I'll apply on indeed for something. I did, then a couple hours later while trying to sleep, just couldn't. I didn't have second thoughts about starting a job at first but then it got overwhelming and I undid the application. I know I'm not going to last that long on the job anyway cuz I'm a whiney weak ugly impatient idiot. The job was a bit far too, and I hate having to rely on my family to drive me places or taking the bus as it scares me. I really thought I was gonna do this for once and see if I get accepted for something (probably wasn't, I had no resume file) I just have an innate fear of failure and overall anxiety.