The meaning of coming back

how do you cope that (in the situation you end that isolation) the people that you would be smiling to , making frienship with , love that person. Would have looked with disgust during thoses years, like a dark secret that's would only be romanticize in flash back , but in thoses flash back the one that look at you with thoses emotions that you feared so much would be that person ? I can't get out that idea of my head, like its useless to even try , their is no mean. It was me during 10 years if it ended tomorrow , i was a failure , that needed to change to be allowed to participate in their society. I'm not saying that with hate , i just don't get how i could be wrong on this , hope has no taste anymore in part cause of this