Talking to normal people is tough

Talking to people I know and care about feels so hard these days. I love talking to them but when they talk about their lives, all I can see is how clear it is that they’re actively living their lives, that they’re doing meaningful and productive things. Even if they hate what they do, they’re still doing something. And I feel so worthless—I’m stuck in limbo, doing nothing all day, just wasting time away, while they’re out in the world. I think what made this feel worse was my cousin, who was in a similar/worse situation than me, his life’s gotten a lot better since he’s gone to university. I feel so guilty for feeling resentful and insecure of him, as though it was better when he was worse off. I wish I could be not like this.