Just a |=\_/<k1N6 rant

Was kicked out of my parents at 19, I got accepted for welfare because of my disabling mental health that’s landed me in hospital many times. I wish I could hold down a job. I feel so useless and lonely and all my skills are regressing. I’m trying to make a better life for myself but it’s fucking hard when welfare deincentivises that, because I’d literally earn less if I had a minimum wage job (that’s all I’m qualified for as I did shit at school) even then, I’ve tried and i never get past the interview stage, and on the rare chance I get an interview I don’t get the job because my social skills are so weak. Most people don’t want someone as uneducated at me. This is just a horrible cycle that I just don’t know how to get out of. I’ve done some volunteering over the years and made several attempts to get back into education, including another upcoming try in 2025. In the past my mental health has gotten in the way every time. I feel so hopeless and alone so often. It’s so difficult not just completely give up. I feel like for many years, I have been of that mindset tbh. I’m the only one in my family like this. I feel like everyone in my family looks down on me for my situation, and it makes me have this misunderstood, cynical complex. I have self awareness enough to know that it could just be paranoia from my mental health problems, but it genuinely just could be because they see me as less than, because they kicked me out because I was very troubled. (Only got that way from so much fucking childhood trauma but whatever. I’m trying not to be so fucking cynical) but yeah, I can’t tell which it is here which makes me feel fucking crazy. Everyone else in my family went to university and has jobs. Meanwhile I’m just out here being a dumbass …ugh rant… sorry. Hopefully 2025 will be good. I’m gonna try. I have aspirations of making money from my art somehow because I spent the last few years full time painting basically. I wanna study art next year. Anyway I stop now, thanks for listening to rant. I need to go to sleep night.