It just takes one step

This year, I wanted to give myself a real chance—to put in effort and see if I could achieve something. But every two weeks or less, I find myself back in the same cycle: 'Why are you still here? No one cares. You’re a bad person. You’re jealous of others. You try hard and say nice things, but no one will ever be there for you. You’re fat, ugly, jobless, not intelligent.' I’ve tried so many times since I was eight to make it all stop, and now, at 24, nothing has changed. Nothing ever will. It would only take one step. I just want to stop feeling all this pain. It takes so much effort, and I get nothing in return—no one tells me I’m doing well, no one has ever said anything good about my art. I ended up here again because yesterday, I saw a 22-year-old girl from Spain who was 'leaving everything to create a manga.' Instead of inspiring me, it just brought me back to the mirror—staring at this stupid, worthless person who will never be enough. I want to stop this feeling so badly. Just one step. Please, future me—stop dreaming. No one will ever care. You’re fat, ugly, stupid, alone, and your art is worthless. Please, just stop