If my neetbux backpay was ever approved I'd be a six figure neet

I'm not good at math, but I've been mentally disabled since I was a kid and it got progressively worse since 2013. If my backpay was to be approved, if I applied a second time, I will be a six figure neet. I would buy a love doll and try to become independent to some extent because my parents aren't going to be there forever. If people suddenly had romantic interest in me, I would have to turn them away because nobody cared before. Unfortunately for me, it is hard to be approved for neetbux where I am from. I am most likely to die from my mental health issues, or when my parents are gone or when my micro savings are exhausted next year because my parents haven't been able to support me since a few years ago. The problem was that I was never normal and society tried to force me to be normal. Normies wanted me to become a wagie at all costs, look at me now. Yes im talking about social workers from the past. I have a scattered history of mental problems but was never treated properly because I couldn't get treatment due to poverty. I was the weird kid at school and mute. When I had a psychologist, I never told them my real symptoms and feelings because I thought I'd get in trouble or be called crazy. I just ended up not talking to them and they just didn't seem to care. Since I never got a job or am capable of anything useful, I can only apply for SSI neetbux. I'm considering seeing a psychologist and seeking therapy and being honest with them but it won't be pleasant for anyone. I will talk to my therapist about what I REALLY think and feel. They will know im schizophrenic and im scared they will. MOST IMPORTANTLY, they will ask me about my life and why I've been neet and virgin so long. I'm upset.