IDK HOW I DID IT BEFORE

i just came up on my 1yr at my job. ive had 3 other part time jobs since 2020, but for the most part i was unemployed through that timespan. and obviously, all the years leading up to that. didnt even do middle school. isolated since 7yrs old. mom made sure of it 😴 growing up, i was a total shut-in (and maybe just a bit of a homebody now) I'll turn 22 this summer. so like, maybe, based off my age alone, i was never officially a neet. but i at least relate to the mindset. >!(i mean i REALLY did. i made my first reddit acc back when i was 14 just to browze this very sub!!! cos some guy on omegle said It sounded like me. i got some gd history in here bros. hear me out.)!< and (in my experience, not saying ALL neets are depressed.) im no stranger to the crippling loneliness/depression that came with it. or at least i did, and i was? getting this job has been the singlemost best influence I've ever had in my pathetic fucking life. im so. so. incredibly good at my job. adhd power absolutely fuckin popping off day in day out. i work relentlessly. i LOVE. MAXIMIZING EFFICIENCY. it takes up 110% of my energy and attention. and i love it so much. i feel so fulfilled and organized and appreciated and proud of myself. it took me 7 months to be promoted to supervisor, and last week i was promoted to warehouse lead. (same pay. but now i get bragging rights, recognized as the MVP😎) feelsgood. and to get to the point of this post, i had a few days off work this week, this morning was my first day back. and like. i was doing terrible while i was out. i felt so aimless and depressed and bored out of my mind. i was just FULL of self hatred and guilt the whole time. i had errands to take care of but somehow i couldnt bring myself to leave the house?? and i was sleeping til noon and drinking so much hahah jesus. it was depressing. and its how i felt the majority of the time when i was deep in my hermit-hood.!!!!! i mean. except for the occasional hyperfixation. and unwavering focus for my hobbies. (this part i do miss) but still. most the time i was miserable and full of feelings of existentialism. and its still very possible i was only using my art as a crutch/distraction from how overwhelming it felt to just EXIST.? but now i feel like theres a place for me in this world.? and i recognize that i was absolutely born to work. i love my job. i love being good at something. and appreciated within a community. i love the physical aspect of it, its so regulating to get exercise 10hrs a day hahaha. it was hard the first few months. my body was so tired from the labor every night. and i felt insecure and out of place and even frustrated and confused. but. after i kept coming home each day and realizing i successfully did everything i was supposed to do? it gave me confidence.! :) i literally gained a self esteem from my job, a sense of worth and i value myself. im not even agoraphobic anymore! cured! (mostly.) (new environments still make me nervous. but. its about successful exposure. "it'll be better next time" etc etc) i know not everyone wants to leave their neetdom, but in the case that the person/people reading this do. if you related to any of the feelings of guilt and self hate i mentioned.? its worth it to try, and my advice would be to not get in your own way about it. do it like you want to do it. and try not to overthink about the existential aspect of capitalism bullshit:) it gets me down even still. but i recognize that low paying retail jobs are 100% more about the coworkers. dont work somewhere with fuckass vibes and fuckass coworkers. find people that you respect and admire. ppl u wanna help. its how i feel towards my crew. it makes it so much better. im having fun and getting awesome exercise n earning a living off it. like holy shit. i was so wrong to feel so vehemently against having a job before. i used to feel wronged that the government had set up society to work this way. and i never wanted to be a cog in the machine. slaving my life away to earn money for the 1% and my gd family "making" me do it. MAKING me leave my comfort zone. i felt so resentful of them for that. like if you COULD support me off of your pay. why wouldnt you? didnt you work so hard to have something to pass down to the next generation, why take it back now? i wanted to spend my time on my hobbies and sleeping in! plus. people fuckin suck! so stressful and overwhelming, tryna make small talk with me n shit. give me my comfy zone. and tbh i still feel a lot of these things deep down, except, it was never my family's fault. everyone is only doing their best. and its SO. fuckin hard to live with other people. i shoulda cut them more slack. I'd much rather work 45hrs a week. slave away. tbh its worth it just to have my own space. but ive learned a lot more than just that in this past year. >!and for what its worth, not all people suck. and also.... i learned how to not shy away from eye contact. so. yk.... win..!< .........my tax frauding daydreams aside, it feels so good to be financially independent. i love my apt. lol my very own gooncave <3 not limited to my mom's GARAGE ANYMOREE HAAAAAAAAAAA