I may not be a NEET soon, but still

Honestly, my life has been so bad recently. I'm 19 years old and was on top of the world in September cus I got into the top technical university here in Bulgaria in one of the top courses, a month later my mental health went through the drain, I had to deal with depression, lack of social life and suicidal thoughts. I became mentally disabled for a while, I could not be left alone and I was on heavy medication that I still am on, but not so much. I've been a NEET since late October, and my life has been a pain ever since. I have almost no friends here in my hometown (there's NO young adults here, basically only children and middle aged people) and obviously no partner. I tried looking for a job and after about 30+ applications I think I finally found a job I would work at. I went on an interview and they said they will respond to me in the end of this week. But now I got super down and don't feel like working at all... I don't think my mental state would allow me to work just yet and I may just fail. My mind is a mess, I deal with very strong polar thoughts and I can't keep my mind balanced. I also have a lot of trouble expressing myself so this post will likely be gibberish. I want to move to Sofia (the capital) but can't find a job that will let me live there and actually pay rent and have enough money to let me live normally. I feel like I've been screwed over in nearly every part of my life and now I kind of just want to shut myself in and never leave. And a minute later I would probably think the opposite, maybe I have multiple personalities? I also want to start training kendo but there's no dojo in my region... ugh my entire life is a hot mess. I do nothing but play video games all day, watch YouTube and go to the gym. I hope whoever is reading this is better off than me.