I am cooked…

This is going to be messy rant and I don’t care. I am someone that always struggled with school because I am a fu&k&$@ neurodivergent. I started college this week and I dropped out the next day due to fact I felt overwhelmed. I feel like a disappointment to my mom. I feel so embarrassed, why tf am I cured like this. I hate when people always ask me repetitive questions about school and careers, I don’t what job I want to pursue, at this point I rather get any minimum wage job, not even those jobs would hire me. Today I going to try and walk in and ask if they are hiring. This world is so confusing. During the first day of college every single of classmates were so passionate about the course, meanwhile I admit I just wanted to make money. I don’t want to be neet. I didn’t choose to be a neet. The neet life chose me. I want to get out of it. I don’t consider myself a neet but I look it is. No job hires, I will lie in my resume to stretch on things that are not obvious. I barely have any friends, I do talk to one occasionally. They are studying in a different country. Most people my age graduated high school not long ago and they probably in university and college. And I am here typing this on Reddit because I am a loser. I always feel out of in this world. When I try to blend with people, I just stand out. When I stand out, every Blends in. Nobody understand me and I don’t understand them either. I feel like I am not supposed to be in this world. I feel like people around are programmed and they know specifically what to do. I mean, honestly I just hate how unfair and depressing life really is. 10 years from now, i probably be homeless or dead. F@#k, what else is there to say. I know some careers would I would like, I am doing one of them right now. Unfortunately I don’t make any money. I want to be a YouTuber or whatever job at this point.