everything is too hard and im too stupid

everything is too hard takes way too long for little to no reward and i already spent many years like this i can't spend years fixing my problems just to end up with no energy or any health to use any of them im too stupid for everything im a total failure everything i start or try i fail at it it would feel great if i could actually accomplish anything knowing i am finally competent at something even slightly important but i know that day would never come, the only thing stopping me from killing myself is religion, i keep playing games watching shows scrolling media to stop from thinking and reminding myself im worthless but it doesn't work anymore i could spend my whole life learning something and i would still fail miserably i have the memory of a goldfish school is actually important but i just can't iam extremly lucky to be in the grade im currently in but i think this is were it ends, i will probably drop out and then wait for when i go to the military for three years to be treated like a retard which i probably am.