Thanks 2024, I guess.

New Year may not be exciting for many people, some people will celebrate like crazy just because it's an annual party day, and others will not celebrate it because it is just another day for them or they might not feel this culturally appropriate. Everybody has their reasons. For me (M26), its more of a day to self-reflect on how much I have grown, achieved, did, and whatnot. Frankly speaking, I am proud of what I did but at the same time, I am not proud because I could not do what I want to do. This might turn into a rant so please bear with me. This year wasn't much of a roller coaster for me. Being stuck in WFH since pre-COVID, I moved out with my childhood friends to the capital city for a few months and had a blast. But there I realized how I am stuck with only a job that is not giving me any learnings or growth, though it was paying very well in comparison. Me being an ambitious guy for my career and the field I am working in, it hits in the start of the year. I had limited months with my friends, so yeah let's focus on living the life with best people I have. I went with the flow. Also, I had the responsibility of taking care of my 65+ yold parents (yes, they married very late in their lives). Fortunately, they are very healthy and have enough pension income to not be dependent on me. Came back home, and I had to support my parents in making their new home in their native city. I got the blissful opportunity to help them financially here. Dream of many middle-class boys, ain't it? But to take responsibility of the whole family, build a new home look for it and settle down there, basically became a family guy at the age of 26 - when it was a time to grow, learn, explore, live and do everything that a 26 old young kid should do. Though this is something that many people aspire for, I lost the fun in my life, motivation, and energy to grow - both financially and for skills. Cherry on top, I moved to my parents' native place with them, leaving my friends and the city where I grew up for the past 20 years that I can remember of. That made me lonelier than I ever was. Everything hampered - my physical health, mental health, ambitions, career growth. I became numb and emotionally unavailable, and I was blinded that I never understood what was missing in my life and what was going bad. I am proud that I could take care of my parents and help them build their home in their native place, both financially and personally, but at the end of the day, I sacrificed my life in some way or the other. And I was unaware of this. I just knew I had no feelings left, no ambitions, no self-esteem, and 0 energy to do anything. I was depressed for some months. This became the spotlight, when my friends made the plan to celebrate the new year nearby Goa (I know, crowd, that's why 'nearby'), and eventually canceled it. I got the chance back to have some fun in life, but it went away, and I don't know why, it triggered all the frustration built up in me. I cried in frustration for 3 days, not because the plan was canceled like a child, but the frustration that had built up so much that a small hope of getting my life and persona and motivation, but it broke. And fortunately, this all happened in the last week of 2024. The year when I was depressed, but the same year made me realize the things that I forgot. The things that I had to do and what went wrong and where. Though I still don't have the motivation, I can see the ray of hope in me that I can pick myself up now to do things back that I wanted to do and I always loved. I never wanted to take the baggage of 2024 in next upcoming year, and the year itself made me lose it. I am fortunate to be able to do all the things that lots of people aspire for, making my parents proud, and now searching for new goals. At least I figured out what was wrong, and I can work on it. I don't feel emotionally numb as before and I don't feel ambitionless as before. Though I am not at my best in all aspects, I love this feeling of how things are getting well and how I can see that small hope in my life. I am fortunate that life has thrown me down like this, and same year I got the hope that things will become alright. To the 2024 that threw me down - Thank you. You were the best the throw me down and tell me about it. This is not the worst, but something that I learned from you. To the upcoming 2025 - I know we are going to rock. We will get to that prime me, things are going to be alright, and we will make it alright. To all the people who are celebrating New Year alone, please remember you are not alone. Sit down below the open skies, look at the stars or anything that you can see, self reflect on your year and your needs and wants. And lets get to it in the next year. To everyone who read till this point - cheers to what next year would bring to your life. Happy new year my friend.