A Confession of Failure

# Officially Failed in Everything (Time hoga toh padhna,faltu mai timepass na ho aap logo ka) I have failed. As a son, as a student, as a friend. I have earned the title of **AVERAGE** and crushed my parents' hopes along with whatever little happiness they had left. This story starts from Class 10, where we had to decide between Science or Commerce. I chose Science and **switched from CBSE to the Maharashtra state board** because my coaching institute didn’t have a tie-up with CBSE. Initially, things went well. First-term mock tests came, I scored good marks—chaps were easy. But then, I missed a few classes, **backlog piled up**, and things started falling apart. Instead of fixing it, **I stopped going to coaching altogether.** I used to tell my friends that I was studying at home, but in reality? **I was binging anime, movies, TV series.** **My parents trusted me blindly.** They thought their “ideal good boy” was studying, but in reality, I was just making false promises. My mom used to ask, *"Sab theek hai na? Studies acchi chal rahi hai?"* And every time, I **lied.** They asked why I stopped going to classes. I **blamed the teachers**, when in reality, **the problem was me.** I got stuck in the **prerequisite loop**—"Ye chapter ke liye pehle wala aana chahiye, warna agla nahi hoga." This **mindset cost me my entire 11th and 12th.** And my habits? They made it worse.I couldn't focus on studies for more than **40 minutes in a single sitting.** The rest of the day? Gone in **anime, reels, YouTube shorts.** Maybe it was ADHD, but I can’t just do self diagnosis ig? **JEE Results Came—23 Percentile.** I was scared my parents would **beat me badly**, so I **edited the result to 87.** Got scolded, but thankfully no beating. I convinced myself that *"April wale attempt me sudhar jaunga."* Then came **boards.** My lazy, procrastinating self **did not study at all.** Somehow, **copied MCQs, scraped 62%.** My parents thought, *"Itna padhta hai phir marks kyun nahi aa rahe?"* I felt guilty **for two days.** Then? **Back to old habits.** **JEE April attempt came—0 prep, 56%.** Wasted took drop year convincing myself that "Ab sudharna hai," but **never actually took action.** before drop)MHT CET—**12%** (like seriously?!). The worst part? **I STILL DIDN’T STUDY.** Just kept hoping for some **miracle bullshit.** I took a **drop year against my parents' wishes.** First month wasted in **improvement exams**—**scored worse than before.** Took a phone inside the exam hall **twice**, got **caught both times.** Teachers **didn’t report me**, gave me a **warning.** But besharmi ki bhi had hoti hai I did it again. By September, I realized **I can’t clear JEE in 3 months.** Instead of actually **studying**, I spent my days **scrolling Reddit, YouTube, wasting time.** My **friend circle shrunk** to almost nothing. **Lost social touch.** Got **engulfed in social media, e-friends (who disappeared too).** Developed **24/7 sadness**—not sure if it was **depression, but it felt like it.** **JEE Jan 2025 came.** Zero knowledge. Full **regret.** Knew this was **my last chance.** Yet, **same old loop.** Result: **61 percentile.** Another disaster. My parents were **praying to gods** for me to qualify. **I faked my score to 91 percentile.** It **saved my ass,** but seeing them **sad over “just 3%” hurt me.** If only they knew the truth. This was a **wake-up call.** I **actually started studying** for boards. After **one week?** **Back to old habits.** English board exam—okayish. Physics—**might get average marks.** **Chemistry?** **Total disaster.** I had planned to **copy answers from my phone,** just like in **July improvement exams.** But today, **they checked everything.** I got **scared and didn’t take my phone inside.** Result? **Sat there for 3 hours, clueless.** The guy in front of me **didn’t help.** I have **barely written 20 marks worth of content.** I was **delusional** thinking I could **clear Maharashtra’s 75% criteria,** then study hard for **BITS.** But today? That **door closed too.** JEE Mains—**40 days left.** BITSAT—**gone.** CET—**60 days left, but what can I even score?** Being a **general male?** **No chance of getting a decent college without 98%+.** COMEDK, VIT, and Manipal are still options, but **I don’t even want to go there.** Reputation isn’t great. But **what other options do I have now?** I **deserve all the gaalis.** I give them to myself **every day.** I have **so much self-hate** that I can’t even **look myself in the mirror anymore. MUJHSE chutiya kaun hi hoga drop lekar bhi tier 3 college🤡**🙏 ik advces se kuch nahi hota jabh tak khud nahi follow karo toh but agar kuch hoga toh batana please Advice dene laayak toh nahi but 12thie padhlo, bina hardwork ke kuch nahi hai