PLEASE HELP!

(Please don't judge my English I was always a average student) So I am currently in 12th. I choosed dummy school and joined institute in 11th.but because of backlog my 11th got wasted but not totally. I did some chapters and started 12th and was going good initially but after September I messed up.whenever I try to revise previous chapters I feel I am doing it for the first time.i am not even scoring 50 in tests I don't know why.i don't attempt questions if I am unable to get answer because of negative marking. I think I will not even clear the cutoff in Jan attempt and now I only want to focus on boards completely and wanna take drop. But it's not easy to convince my mother she is still believing that her daughter will clear jee and will be going to iit.she faced a lot judgements and financial problem because of me for my admission and I am single child and father is no more. She literally did a lot but i don't deserve this much ik.i don't even have option of suicide i can't leave her alone in this cruel world I will face everyone I know this only exam will not decide my future but I don't know how to convince her for a drop. I am more afraid of our so called relatives or neighbors judgements sometimes I don't care but it does affect my mother. Also I myself is afraid to take drop as I am watching some videos on YouTube that next year pattern will be changed or pata nhi kya kya. If I take drop then I will be preparing online so how should I start and only mohit tyagi channel will be good as my 50 percent concepts are good enough? I really need genuine suggestions i don't have friends or family who can guide me...😑