If anyone need to hear this, if any of you are suffering, there is HOPE ...

Hello people, so I was once a JEE aspirant like you, went to kota and all, always full of hope and thought I'd clear this, was a good student, but, in 12th, in boards, I failed chemistry, and I was sure that my answer sheet was wrongly checked, I put re check but got the result in just a day. Well, couldn't clear JEE, failed 12th, wasted my father's money, disappointed my parents and everyone who thought I was a bright student suddenly gave the side eye to me. And like the news I hear from people of suicide and such, I am one of them, but, I am a survivor, depression, alcoholism, drugs and being a good for nothing person. Yet I loved literature, stories, etc, second attempt came and I failed, JEE, BITS Pilani, VIT, Manipal everything but passed 12th. I was just 16-17 when all that happened, then I got admission in a private uni in lucknow (amity, yeah, sucks) but dropped out in first year because the teachers were ... Huh (also got cheated by a girl), disappointed my parents again, now I was sure I am a good for nothing guy, but still a lover of literature. Now I thought, I had enough, if I was to die my then 2 sucide attempts would have been a success yet they weren't, my father was a typical Indian man, giving his child the tough love but he even in anger he never left my side. He said "it is up to you to gain the respect back, no one is going to earn it back for you" and this stuck with me. So did my BA from a state college, suffered COVID, Got into an accident and then the time came. I gave CUET PG in literature, I worked my ass for 6 months straight, cut off all contacts, became a troublesome alcoholic but a studious child, and I cracked CUET PG, In every single University I applied for, I was in the TOP 10 ranks, DU, JNU, BHU, EFLU, HCU, Pondicherry, Rajasthan etc. That was my genesis, never felt more proud of myself, I cried a hell lot, and finally gained the strength to apologise to myself first, to be so hard on myself, I wasn't fair to myself, I tortured myself, felt pathetic, demeaned myself, so I know how you all are feeling, I really do. Currently, I qualified JRF in UGC NET pursuing my PhD in Literature, earning and enjoying life, so my message to the aspirants here, fall, don't be afraid to fall but be brave enough to get back up. Become a shameless stubborn person, and please don't be a sheep in the herd, when you prove yourself, even the naysayers will say "Damn, he/she did it." All the best to you all, May the force be with you.