Life would be so much better if it was not a competition.

Imagine learning about Integral calculus, physics concepts and everything without worrying about IIT-JEE. Every now and then I watch a video on Youtube where they are explaining some calculus concepts. And I am like, man this is sooo cool. Why didn't I enjoy this when I was in Intermediate. I wish I was back in Intermediate. Then I remember why I didn't enjoy learning it back then. I have similar feelings about being a developer too. My father bought me a computer in 8th class. By 10th, I could code up simple apps in [VB.net](http://VB.net) and PHP. I remember it was such an awesome feeling when I displayed a textbox using HTML. Type some text in it. And then hit the button. Have the PHP script save the text in a Mysql table. There is nothing in my life that even remotely comes close to the happiness I experienced when I saw the text get saved in the Mysql table. And today I am literally a software engineer in FAANG. I absolutely hate my job. I am at this point, where I don't want to write a single line of code. I am at this point in my life where nothing that once used to bring me happiness, is making me happy anymore. I just feel like sleeping all the time. I feel hungry all the time. I feel angry all the time. I feel miserable in life.