I gave my own tears to a shiv ling as I couldn't bear my life anymore

I'm always betrayed or am always sidelined in favour of other new friends by my own friends from my very childhood. My very own father abuses me had a very similar life to me and his life only changed after praying and changing regularly. Even when I help someone, they start avoiding me the second they are done and later call me untrustworthy behind my back to others despite him not knowing me beyond that help. My mom blames me for not being religious and not praying daily and this all will end after I do so just like it did for my father and people actually talk with him instead of avoiding him. (This also happened conviniently at a time I got in a good college with high grades and he got a lot of money from selling a flat but they are convinced it's the prayers) I always tell my prayers but they never get answered and the universe seems against me so I just cried quietly in the puja room today and just offered my tears to Shiv ling as I was again told harshly by my mom today the same thing. But nowhere has it ever been said to offer your tears or something even mentioning that but I did so in my state. Just how much trouble am I in? Now that I feel a lil calm, did I disrespect him?