Is this what it feels like?

27 M Good morning to me! Today is a very sepcial day for me. I have no friends left now! 2 of them died during covid, and the ones left, gave me an experience today which made me rethink a decade of our friendship. I guess I was just a backup friend for everyone and nobody cared about me. Feeling helpless and really want to cry, but can't. Sitting on stairs with a heavy heart stargazing, trying not to think about it but the fact remains unchanged. I have no one to talk to & have serious trust issues now, ladki ka chakkar hota to fir bhi move-on ho jata but these were my jigri yaars (atleast that's what I felt for them). I feel betrayed, this anger and emptiness is really really heavy. Have you faced any such situation? How did you deal with it? Learnt a lesson today which I'll never forget. Sometimes it's better to test your friendship,, atleast you won't end up in a state like me.