Have I destroyed my future or is it a mental disorder ?

I'm 28 working in a UK based BPO, I make like 60-65k permonth. I always wanted to be a sofware developer but started working in Concentrix due to financial conditions.Its been almost 6 years working in different BPO. I cant get married with such uncertain job and future. I'm staying with family so don't have to pay rent, food grocery. But I'm going through something which I really don't know. It feels like I'll get a heart attack bcz I failed myself and destroyed my future. Now I can't study my brain keeps running like any machine and every mistakes which I made keeps coming up in my mind. Last week I started slapping myself at night for my situation that I ended up in BPO and it feels like I'll fail in life very soon. I hide all these things from people around me even closest friends and family bcz they will think I'm depressed or a psycho. Sometime I think so kuch that even breathing become a struggle so I just start running or try to divert my mind. It literally feels like I'm having a pain in my heart when thinking this much. Are these a sign of some disorder or is it I'm thinking too much. I mean is it my mind making up this pain or stuggling breath or does that happen when feeling regret. Please guys help me I don't have anyone to share this as peopel would start judging me. My family will be very upset as theh think I'm a very mature and wise guy but thats not the case I'm going through this weird situation. Some time I feel like running away and never coming back but I think of my parents I cant see them crying.