It's time I vent out

Myself, M23, lately, for a year, I've been dealing with anxiety. I guess, it has something do with my past. I used to play at my Cousin's when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I had two cousins, both guys, one's of my age, and other one was in 12th grade, at that time. They both were engaged sexually. A day, they involved me. At that age, I was not sure what it was but sure it felt good, I couldn't say no since he was elder. They used me like anything and it continued for 10 years. Till a point where I started liking that. It becomes a habit. Suddenly, the elder one stops and the younger cousin continues. It goes for years. A day he wants in, after a few failures, he gets what he wants, he fucked me. It countinued for sometimes and I stopped him coming after me. This affected me deeply. I wonder if it's abuse or consentual or what the hell. I wonder if I'm bi at times. I'm sure that this would not be the case if they didn't do that to me when I was that young. All these years, I kept this to myself, it's really heavy carrying it around.